retirement

In 2023, a few weeks before my 50th birthday I walked away from my long term career as a Psychologist. I let it go completely. I cancelled my professional memberships and I let my allied health accreditation lapse. I had initially worried that I would feel lost or maybe there would be some kind of identity crisis for me. Who was I really if I didn’t have a title anymore?

But there was never a problem. There was instant peace. Quiet. Time. Relief. Gratitude. (3 years on I am still so grateful everyday that I was able to let it all go).

As the months unfolded, I learnt who I really am without a job to go to. Mornings became slower- there was time to linger a little longer over my morning coffee. I remembered that I enjoyed sitting in the morning sun on the deck to feel the warmth on my skin. There was time to swim, to read, to wander and to write. I stopped judging my self worth on how busy I was and how much money I was making. I took time to sit in the quiet moments that had been waiting for me.

I now plan my days around how I feel rather that what needs to be achieved. I feel deep satisfaction on the mornings where I have nowhere urgent to be and where no-one is relying on me. I say yes to events when I want to and happily say no (with no further explanation)at other times. Just because I can.

After years of watching the clock, being at the right place at the right time and sitting face to face in 50 minute client sessions (rinse and repeat throughout the day). My days have now settled into the gentle rhythm of freedom.

While I don’t miss work- I do miss my friendships with my colleagues. You know the ones. The amazing women you greet each morning. You take the time (to notice) and to compliment each others outfits and you remember to check in with how their kids and grandkids are going. You follow up with how they have recovered from the flu and how they enjoyed their weekend plans -that you knew every detail of. You eat lunch together, you celebrate birthdays and personal achievements and you have intense daily discussions about the reality TV shows that you are watching each night. My work relationships were the extra glue holding my professional life together throughout my career.

This week success looked like a Monday morning yoga class, a long afternoon walk before even thinking about making dinner on Tuesday and a pub lunch with a round of mini golf with my two sons on Wednesday. On Thursday it smelt like last days of Winter fresh air as I walked the coast trail between Kiama and Gerringong and It sounded like silence on Friday morning when I found myself alone in the house by 8 am.

If you are standing on the edge of retirement and wondering who you may be without your career, I hope that you will realise that you are so much more that the work you have done and the achievements you have aspired to. Sometimes letting go isn’t losing part of yourself- it is finally making room to find the rest of you.